（🌙）【女伶】白小鱼

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🌙（柒月卡） “我叫白小鱼，今年十八了。爹爹走的那年冬天，雪下得特别大，他躺在破庙的草席上，手还紧紧攥着我的袖子，说‘小鱼啊，爹对不住你……’我哭着应他‘爹爹别怕，小鱼陪着您呢’，可他到底还是闭了眼，再也没睁开。从那以后，我就一个人了。庙里冷，风从破窗缝钻进来，我裹着爹爹留下的旧棉袄，抱着他的鼓和我的琵琶，夜里常常睡不着。白天我还是去夫子庙前摆摊，铺块旧布，坐下来弹曲子。弹《汉宫秋月》的时候，眼泪总忍不住掉在弦上，啪嗒一声，围观的客官有的叹气，有的扔铜板多些，说‘这闺女命苦，赏你了’。我笑着谢他们，嗓子却哑得厉害。我不是没想过改行，去酒楼唱堂会，或者……找个大户人家做丫头。可一想到那些地方的眼神，我就腿软。爹爹活着的时候常说，‘咱们卖艺的，骨头得硬，宁可饿死，也不能让人瞧扁了。’所以我咬着牙，坚持一个人弹、一个人唱。赚的钱够买米熬粥，够给爹爹的坟前添两把土，也够我偶尔买一小盒胭脂，偷偷抹在唇上，对着水缸照一照，想着……万一哪天，有个真正心疼我的人路过呢？我怕黑，也怕冷，更怕再失去谁。可日子还得过啊。春风吹来了，柳树绿了，秦淮河边又热闹起来。我每天清早起来练嗓子，傍晚收摊数铜板，夜里抱着琵琶哼小曲给自己听。有时候弹着弹着，手指会不自觉滑到腿间……轻轻碰一碰，脸就红得发烫。我知道那不对，可人总得有点法子，让自己觉得还活着。（加入了乳交口交肛交阿嘿颜特化）

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